March 2020… right before quarantine I was getting ready for my trip to Hawaii to bring in my 44th year. I remember packing feeling so defeated as most of my summer clothes did not fit. I worked part time at Old Navy for over a year so I had accumulated a lot of clothes and I thought I was prepared for my trip. Although I live in the north where it’s mostly cold I love summer and for some reason have a lot more summer options than fall and winter. There I was packing, realizing most of the clothes some of which still had tags on them did not fit. I was so upset. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even see it when I looked in the mirror and I guess I didn’t realize I was purchasing jeans a size bigger than before. Yet, there I was bigger. I looked in the mirror and I saw something I didn’t see before – ME, the rolls on my back, a line on my stomach from overlapping, a rounder face. The initial shock….. Let’s fast forward to landing in Hawaii and preparing for the helicopter tour. If you haven’t been on a helicopter tour let me brief you – it’s a weight limit. The limit is set by the tour operator. Now I knew I wouldn’t exceed the weight limit but I was not prepared when she said 213 lbs. I’m sorry – wait – what?!?!? This is the biggest I had been in my entire life. I enjoyed the tour over Oahu but I couldn’t get that number out of my head for the rest of my trip. The final straw… The person I was in the mirror aside from the number was not the person I wanted to be. I wasn’t confident. I was very self-conscious. I was heartbroken as the person I was in love with I found out a few weeks before my trip was cheating on me. I began to compare myself to others. I placed a value on my body that I never did before. I was a mess, behind closed doors. It was at that moment when I knew I was going to change my eating habits. Prior to I ate whatever & whenever, which mostly consisted of lots of candy bars and ice cream. I made the decision to work out and become vegan. The love of dairy is my biggest issue with being vegan. Here we are 9 months later and I still haven’t had any meat. I feel so much better about my weight, my last weigh in was on 11/22/20 and I was at 173.6 lbs. My goal weight is 160 lbs.
One day at a time…
If you ever struggle with what you see in the mirror remember:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others, especially those you do not know on social media
2. Your self-worth is within, wear what makes you feel confident no matter your body size
3. Create opportunities, it’s never too late to change what you don’t like
4. Small wins, embrace the good things “God shots” no matter how small they seem
5. Process your fears and be kind to yourself in the process, life is a journey